One Flesh in Training

“When are you getting married?”

…The end of April. 

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

“How much longer until your wedding?” 

…60 days. 

“Are you nervous?”

“How many days left?” 

…50 days. 

“There’s still time to get out.”

“When will you be married?”

…40 days. 

“Better enjoy being a bachelor while you can!”

Why am I being asked these questions?

I am excited beyond belief, I can’t wait, and I sometimes wish we would have gotten married sooner. These questions don’t dissuade me at all, but they make me wonder what is going on in the lives of the people asking.

Maybe it is just innocent prodding, but it could be something more than that.

Tim Keller writes in The Meaning of Marriage:

“The Bible begins with a wedding (of Adam and Eve) and ends in the book of Revelation with a wedding (of Christ and the church). Marriage is God’s idea. It is certainly also a human institution, and it reflects the character of the particular human culture in which it is embedded.”

“I’ve heard them say over and over, “Love shouldn’t be this hard; it should come naturally.” In response, I always say something like, “Why believe that? Would someone who wants to play professional baseball say, ‘It shouldn’t be so hard to hit a fastball?’ Would someone who wants to write the greatest American novel of her generation say, ‘It shouldn’t be hard to create believable characters and compelling narrative?’” The understandable retort is, “But this is not baseball or literature. This is love. Love should just come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul mates.””

“The gospel can fill our hearts with God’s love so that you can handle it when your spouse fails to love you as he or she should. That frees us to see our spouse’s sins and flaws to the bottom—and speak of them—and yet still love and accept our spouse fully. And when, by the power of the gospel, our spouse experiences that same kind of truthful yet committed love, it enables our spouses to show us that same kind of transforming love when the time comes for it.”

“To conduct a Me-Marriage requires two completely well-adjusted, happy individuals, with very little in the way of emotional neediness of their own or character flaws that need a lot of work. The problem is—there is almost no one like that out there to marry!”

I am marrying my best friend. 

She will always be the first choice of whom to spend time with. I never tire or bore of being together and when the work week begins I always wish the weekend was one day longer.

“This is my beloved, this is my friend”


Actually, after a vacation or a long weekend Monday morning is even more difficult than usual. When we aren’t together I feel like a part of me is missing. 

I make a joke about our marriage counseling that we are one flesh in training (OFIT). But it isn’t quite a joke, it feels that we truly are. Week after week it is as if she is becoming part of me.

Not everyday is perfect because I am not perfect. I oftentimes say things I shouldn’t, don’t serve her as I should, and don’t live up to the best version of myself that God created. But, I am a work in progress. And I found a partner that is patient, understanding, and is willing to assist in helping me on my journey to become my future glory self. 

“What, then, is marriage for? It is for helping each other to become our future glory-selves, the new creations that God will eventually make us. The common horizon husband and wife look toward is the Throne, and the holy, spotless, and blameless nature we will have.”

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Genesis 2:18, 2:22, and 2:24

“If I put the happiness of my spouse ahead of my own needs—then what do I get out of it?” The answer is—happiness.

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